Welcome to Sex and the State, a newsletter about power. I’m a writer working on decriminalizing and destigmatizing all things sex. I use evidence and stories to interrogate existing power structures to propose better ways of relating. To support my work,
You've previously discussed (some years ago now IIRC) single motherhood rates rising in low-income communities because of a shortage of men who make high-value-added partners in childraising, due to scarce lower-end job opportunities, mass incarceration, etc. Could this be another version of the same phenomenon, just at a different point on the class spectrum?
The overall mechanism might be: women at any point on the class scale will marry iff they can find a man who it would make their life a lot better to marry. Lower down the scale, this has gotten less likely because it's gotten harder for the least-advantaged men to meet basic criteria like being out of jail and steadily employed. Higher up the scale, men can still just as easily satisfy those basics-- but women's, and especially single women's, increasing progress toward social equality and economic empowerment means that the basics aren't enough to make marriage a value-add: the bar has been raised, and we don't yet have good guidance mechanisms to socialize men to meet that raised bar.
I think this reflects the fact that women are demanding men bring as much to the table in a relationship as they do.
That’s bad news for men in the lower economic brackets where educational attainment and labor force participation rates are down. Not to mention that men aren’t learning the social and interpersonal skills they need to form a successful relationship.
Obviously marriage is better for men if they can get it, but women (in general) aren’t willing to accept a man who doesn’t pull his weight -- economically and interpersonally.
I’ve also seen data indicating that high earning women are much more likely to marry high earning men than high earning men are to marry high earning women. Men still aren’t ready for a woman who’s their equal. Like the executive who marries his secretary I suppose.
Was just catching up on my Cathy reading and I had to stop and say how much I hate how "dating apps" get blamed for all of society's ills, usually without any coherent explanation. Those apps may cause a lot of anxiety and stress, but they also bring people together. How many people do we all know with meaningful relationships that started on apps? For me it is *most* people I know, which doesn't even make sense given my age.
I'd take dating apps off the list and replace number one....
1) Men hold out, delusionally or not, for more sex partners and more attractive partners, postponing opportunities for marriage (or ruining the opportunities) in the process.
You've previously discussed (some years ago now IIRC) single motherhood rates rising in low-income communities because of a shortage of men who make high-value-added partners in childraising, due to scarce lower-end job opportunities, mass incarceration, etc. Could this be another version of the same phenomenon, just at a different point on the class spectrum?
The overall mechanism might be: women at any point on the class scale will marry iff they can find a man who it would make their life a lot better to marry. Lower down the scale, this has gotten less likely because it's gotten harder for the least-advantaged men to meet basic criteria like being out of jail and steadily employed. Higher up the scale, men can still just as easily satisfy those basics-- but women's, and especially single women's, increasing progress toward social equality and economic empowerment means that the basics aren't enough to make marriage a value-add: the bar has been raised, and we don't yet have good guidance mechanisms to socialize men to meet that raised bar.
Yeah, I mean, exactly. Couldn't have put it better myself.
I think this reflects the fact that women are demanding men bring as much to the table in a relationship as they do.
That’s bad news for men in the lower economic brackets where educational attainment and labor force participation rates are down. Not to mention that men aren’t learning the social and interpersonal skills they need to form a successful relationship.
Obviously marriage is better for men if they can get it, but women (in general) aren’t willing to accept a man who doesn’t pull his weight -- economically and interpersonally.
I’ve also seen data indicating that high earning women are much more likely to marry high earning men than high earning men are to marry high earning women. Men still aren’t ready for a woman who’s their equal. Like the executive who marries his secretary I suppose.
Was just catching up on my Cathy reading and I had to stop and say how much I hate how "dating apps" get blamed for all of society's ills, usually without any coherent explanation. Those apps may cause a lot of anxiety and stress, but they also bring people together. How many people do we all know with meaningful relationships that started on apps? For me it is *most* people I know, which doesn't even make sense given my age.
I'd take dating apps off the list and replace number one....
1) Men hold out, delusionally or not, for more sex partners and more attractive partners, postponing opportunities for marriage (or ruining the opportunities) in the process.