Welcome to Sex and the State, a newsletter about power. I use evidence and stories to interrogate existing power structures to propose better ways of relating. To support my work, buy a guide, buy a subscription, or just share this post!
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If you’d rather watch me read this:
In news that will delight some (my family and boyfriend) and upset others, I’m taking an indefinite break from OnlyFans. I’ve loved the experience of getting to know people in this way and share this side of myself.
I can’t figure out a way to pause my account, so I lowered the price as much as OF will let me without making all my nudes free to access. Not ready for all that lol. So if new or existing subscribers want to keep access to my nudes and any videos they’ve bought hopefully $4.99/mo isn’t too much. Similarly, if anyone wants to access all the content I’ve already posted on my feed, they can do so for $4.99. I expect most people to unsubscribe, and that’s great too.
I’m also planning to begin offering 1:1 sex and relationship coaching. Comment or respond to this email if you’re interested in learning more.
OnlyFans is an imperfect platform, certainly. But it’s also been a huge leap forward for empowering sex workers and helping to destigmatize sex work. I have no regrets about my time on the platform. Not everyone has liked that I did sex work, and I don’t entirely blame them. I regret that my decisions have entailed any discomfort for anyone, especially those I love.
This break isn’t because I’ve changed ideologically. Sex work is still work. What consenting adults do with their bodies isn’t for anyone else to judge. Porn is, for the vast majority of consumers, a fun, healthy form of entertainment. I don’t know what God thinks about OnlyFans, but I know that the evidence is overwhelming that assuming he’s against it and stigmatizing people for making or watching porn is demonstrably really bad for a lot of people and not really good for anyone.
I’m just kind of tired of making porn. I’m mostly tired of having “You need to be making content for OF” in the back of my head so much of the time. And, I’m monogamous with someone who doesn’t want to co-star and doesn’t really love me doing it.
I believe I can make up the money other ways that I’d enjoy more. Even if my earnings take a hit, I’d rather put the time and energy into this newsletter. The porn was always mostly about being able to afford to write.
It’s not a decision I’m taking lightly. I’ve definitely been resisting the temptation to quit for the boyfriend for a while now. It’s so easy for someone to be attracted to me, but then decide they don’t like this or that about me. So I quit this and quit that. And then I’m a bored, boring, resentful shell of my former self.
It’s not exactly the career woman who becomes a stay-at-home mom at her husband’s insistence and then the husband gets bored with her. But I have been afraid something in the same family would happen here. And it might. But he’s been incredibly supportive of my writing. If I felt like making porn was truly fundamental to who I am, there would be no discussion here. But I didn’t start until 2020, and it’s never been, and was never going to be, my day job.
But, it’s still been super helpful. It’s helped me get over some of my body issues, fear of aging, and residual sex-negative programming. It’s helped me feel, and become, more financially secure. I learned a lot about sex and sex work from my experience, which is invaluable for my advocacy work. I feel nervous saying this, but I’ve netted a good amount over a little more than two years, after OF’s cut and before taxes.
I’m extremely grateful to the fans who’ve helped me build myself a safety net. I’m also extremely grateful to have friends and family who, while they might not always approve of my choices, never made me even question whether they’d keep loving and supporting me.
I’m proud of myself for doing what I needed to do to be able to afford to do the work that’s most meaningful to me. I’m proud of myself for doing my small part to help destigmatize and decriminalize sex work. I’ve put my money where my mouth is. I was only able to do that because I already had the safety net of my friends and family and my immense privilege. But I did it. And I expect that I’ll always be proud of that.
Ultimately, I’m taking a break because I want to take a break and certain changes in my circumstances have made that more feasible for me.
This man I’m dating was an incentive. He also helped incentivize me to move to Alabama. But he wouldn’t be the one for me if he wanted me to make choices that weren’t best for me and in line with who I ultimately want to be.
Maybe it’ll turn out that losing this stream of income right after getting laid off isn’t the move. But I’m taking my recent layoff as an opportunity to double down on the things in life that mean the most to me. Ultimately, this newsletter is very high on the list. As is my partner. Making porn isn’t.
So, wish me luck. And, as always, thank you for the support.
Taking a break from OnlyFans