Happy Valentine's Day. Have some stats on sex
On Christmas, in my review of his latest book, Tribalism is Dumb, I teased that Andrew Heaton might have me on his podcast. He did!
I actually listened to it. Andrew is a talented interviewer. Our conversation is a great beginner-level introduction to some of the concepts I’ve been writing about, especially since I decided to focus on gender last year.
During recording, Heaton mentioned that I’d been on his previous podcast six years ago. This was news. Turns out, he was not lying. I found the episode. Gosh, 2019. It feels like yesterday, not six years ago.
My babies, I listened to that episode too.
First thought: Why the hell did I not reschedule? I clearly had a severe cold. I sound absolutely horrible. I’m 99.9% sure I woke up that day and thought, “No one will be able to tell.”
Second, he mentioned the web series we both were in! I totally memory-holed that experience as well. Look how hot I was!
Also, if I remember correctly (never a safe assumption, clearly) I developed my ongoing crush on Mr. Heaton during filming. Fun!
Third, the more things change…
At around 44 minutes into the 2019 podcast, Heaton asked me about the gender wage gap. I told him a version of the story I wrote two months ago in How the gender pay gap gave me empathy for men.
Back then, I told Heaton that the biggest fights in feminism were between sex-positive, sex-worker inclusive, trans-inclusive feminism on the one hand and radical, trans-exclusionary, sex-worker exclusionary, female supremacist feminism on the other. This is the same point I made in a post I published three months ago: Radical feminism is not the most feminist kind of feminism.
If anything, today I feel more strongly that the most important, interesting, consequential fight within feminism is over whether or not sex is fundamentally and inherently morally neutral. And by “sex” I mean both the activity and the category. (I think. Again, I am not a reliable source on anything that happened more than two minutes ago.)
A few things have changed, though. Today my feminism is much more focused on men, masculinity, and gender as a concept. It also includes a lot more class analysis.
When I met Andrew, I still operated under the assumption that I wasn’t smart enough to usefully, deeply analyze policy. In 2019, I was usefully, deeply analyzing housing policy in California. I thought (and still think) housing is the highest-ROI policy area to get right, or at least get less wrong.
I believe my choice to focus my writing on gender was a great move. It’s hard to name a topic that might better utilize my more unusual life experiences, predilection for systems-thinking, and bent toward iconoclasm.
On the one hand, I’m frustrated that eleven years later, I’m still making a lot of the same points. On the other hand, most non-fiction writers, if they’re remembered at all, are remembered for the one good point they made over and over again in various ways until a few people started to pick up what they were putting down.
If my task is Sisyphean, at least I get to make dick jokes and porn while I’m at it.
Donald Shoup z"l made an entire heroic career of scholarship and advocacy out of "requiring free parking space provision is bad". If that level of repetition was good enough for him it's good enough for any of us.
"(I think. Again, I am not a reliable source on anything that happened more than two minutes ago.)"
SAME. I'm regularly shocked by some experience I've 100% forgotten. And remembering people is not one of my top skills. I'm pretty sure you and I have met more than once, but I remember one time for sure because you were wearing a lovely purple dress that complemented your figure perfectly. My memory for clothes I like is nearly impeccable somehow.
I think it's great that you're hammering the same points. You're refining your opinions and ability to communicate them clearly, strengthening your voice and writing style, and it does seem to be the best way to have a meaningful, lasting impact with the variety of nonfiction you write.
As an inconsistent but longtime reader, you're helping me work through my thoughts on issues that I don't have to directly deal with that much, but are important for our broad culture and society to become healthier, or at least less dysfunctional.
Keep at it, lady! 💖