I don't think patriarchy is worse for men so much as we have spent more time examining and dealing with how it impacts women and since the way it hurts men is less straightforward, or it's pain mixed with status, it's harder for them to push back.
I think most men are completely unaware of how patriarchy hurts them. I don't quite agree with Cathy, but I am coming around to the idea that it's more harmful for men than I'd thought—which was already bad.
Men (generalizing and thinking about the US) are emotionally and psychologically stunted as a direct result of our patriarchal society, including the influence of some forms of feminism that can only exist in opposition to patriarchy. That's a huge cost to men, and to society as a whole.
In any discussion about sexual assault/abuse, gender and the patriarchy, we need to acknowledge that the scope of the problem is much larger than "reported" cases might indicate-- because of the various factors you discuss. Patriarchal socialization and thinking conditions us to instinctively think first, and primarily, of how many *women* are "victims" or "survivors," and how often and why women subjected to such assaults or abuse do not report it. In the case of opposite sex/gender rapes, why do we not instead frame our initial questions, and what we perceive as the issues, in terms of how many *men* are perpetrators of sexual assault or abuse? Why do we not ask first how many men are doing it with impunity and without consequences to them, because their criminal conduct goes unreported, or disbelieved when it is reported, or does not result in criminal prosecution or convictions and punishment? And for those instances where women are the perpetrators and minor boys are the victim, you are also correct that patriarchal thinking conditions us to perceive those male minors as "lucky guys," rather than victims or survivors of a crime. Again, I think you would argue correctly that it is patriarchal thinking at work in society that is a dominant factor in how we frame and think about these issues.
When we look at the relative harm to men and women from the perspective of opposite sex sexual assault, the scales seem to fall very much to the side of harm to women.
When we turn to the issue of same sex/gender sexual assault or abuse involving only men or boys, I agree with the very valid points you make about the substantial harm to men (trauma is not what happens *to* you, but rather, what happens *in* you). Such incidents, as you point out, are even more unreported for the same social reasons you cite. The scope of the problem can best be visualized by a statistic that many people initially disbelieve, and which is the name of an organization devoted to helping men who are victims or survivors of sexual assault or abuse. That organization is 1 In 6 (www.1in6.org): researchers have found that at least one in six men have experienced sexual assault or abuse, whether as a minor or adult. https://1in6.org/statistic/.
Thanks for writing this even though it’s not something I need convincing of. I feel so frustrated by how it’s so hush hush that gender is a disaster for men.
Because of autism and the fact that I basically was never very gender conforming I experienced pretty routine violence and threats in school. I’d often get a message that I was partially at fault for attacked and if i just acted more like the other boys… it’s hard to tell where it was my autism and where it was my queerness outside of two of seven instances I remember where people were using fairy and the f word for me as they hit me.
When I went out into the workforce I was sexually assaulted in the break room of a bob evans. I didn’t tell my manager or the police I just hid. I didn’t even call off I just no called no showed didn’t collect my money.
A burst of late developing executive function in my mid 20s let me go to college and it saved my life opening the door for me to be an elementary teacher and get away from masculinity almost completely.
I am so sorry that happened to you. All of it. I'm glad you got out. I hope you're finding some solace in the other writers covering masculinity and its harms as well.
I don't think patriarchy is worse for men so much as we have spent more time examining and dealing with how it impacts women and since the way it hurts men is less straightforward, or it's pain mixed with status, it's harder for them to push back.
I think most men are completely unaware of how patriarchy hurts them. I don't quite agree with Cathy, but I am coming around to the idea that it's more harmful for men than I'd thought—which was already bad.
Men (generalizing and thinking about the US) are emotionally and psychologically stunted as a direct result of our patriarchal society, including the influence of some forms of feminism that can only exist in opposition to patriarchy. That's a huge cost to men, and to society as a whole.
And some forms of feminism that can only exist in opposition to men, let's be real.
I think I'm on much the same page. Not with Cathy but coming around!
In any discussion about sexual assault/abuse, gender and the patriarchy, we need to acknowledge that the scope of the problem is much larger than "reported" cases might indicate-- because of the various factors you discuss. Patriarchal socialization and thinking conditions us to instinctively think first, and primarily, of how many *women* are "victims" or "survivors," and how often and why women subjected to such assaults or abuse do not report it. In the case of opposite sex/gender rapes, why do we not instead frame our initial questions, and what we perceive as the issues, in terms of how many *men* are perpetrators of sexual assault or abuse? Why do we not ask first how many men are doing it with impunity and without consequences to them, because their criminal conduct goes unreported, or disbelieved when it is reported, or does not result in criminal prosecution or convictions and punishment? And for those instances where women are the perpetrators and minor boys are the victim, you are also correct that patriarchal thinking conditions us to perceive those male minors as "lucky guys," rather than victims or survivors of a crime. Again, I think you would argue correctly that it is patriarchal thinking at work in society that is a dominant factor in how we frame and think about these issues.
When we look at the relative harm to men and women from the perspective of opposite sex sexual assault, the scales seem to fall very much to the side of harm to women.
When we turn to the issue of same sex/gender sexual assault or abuse involving only men or boys, I agree with the very valid points you make about the substantial harm to men (trauma is not what happens *to* you, but rather, what happens *in* you). Such incidents, as you point out, are even more unreported for the same social reasons you cite. The scope of the problem can best be visualized by a statistic that many people initially disbelieve, and which is the name of an organization devoted to helping men who are victims or survivors of sexual assault or abuse. That organization is 1 In 6 (www.1in6.org): researchers have found that at least one in six men have experienced sexual assault or abuse, whether as a minor or adult. https://1in6.org/statistic/.
Thanks for writing this even though it’s not something I need convincing of. I feel so frustrated by how it’s so hush hush that gender is a disaster for men.
Because of autism and the fact that I basically was never very gender conforming I experienced pretty routine violence and threats in school. I’d often get a message that I was partially at fault for attacked and if i just acted more like the other boys… it’s hard to tell where it was my autism and where it was my queerness outside of two of seven instances I remember where people were using fairy and the f word for me as they hit me.
When I went out into the workforce I was sexually assaulted in the break room of a bob evans. I didn’t tell my manager or the police I just hid. I didn’t even call off I just no called no showed didn’t collect my money.
A burst of late developing executive function in my mid 20s let me go to college and it saved my life opening the door for me to be an elementary teacher and get away from masculinity almost completely.
I am so sorry that happened to you. All of it. I'm glad you got out. I hope you're finding some solace in the other writers covering masculinity and its harms as well.