As an Exvangelical, I had to watch Shiny Happy People. “A limited docuseries exposing the truth beneath the wholesome Americana surface of reality tv’s favorite mega-family, The Duggars, and the radical organization behind them: The Institute in Basic Life Principles.”
I got through part of episode one.
It’s both slow as molasses and maddening to remember and think about. The best parts were the interviews with Kristin Kobes Du Mez, author of Jesus and John Wayne.
The parts about Bill Goddard’s Institute in Basic Life Principles reminded me of how safe and secure it felt to believe I had it all figured out. The church told me how to live, how to dress, how to have sex, whether to marry, how to relate to my husband, and more. It told me my life had a purpose, and that I mattered deeply to the Creator of the universe.
These are extremely pleasant things to believe, especially in contrast to the deeply unsettling and difficult work of finding an ethical framework, purpose in life, and meaning to my existence outside of Evangelicism.
At this point I could not go back. I can’t unknow the way that thinking and behavior ruins lives. And the fact that there’s really no good reason to believe God supports homophobia, misogyny, and sexual shame. And if she does, with all due respect, fuck her.
But I miss it. I miss feeling like I know things. I miss feeling like there’s a purpose to my life that I didn’t have to choose. I deeply understand why people get sucked into this particular brand of bullshit, and all kinds of religious dogma. It’s a deeply comforting lie that ultimately demonstrably makes the world a worse place.
Jesus, I’m fine with. I honestly wish more Evangelicals would take some time to get to know him.
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