*In the least invalidating and annoying way possible* I used to think I was really unhappy most of the time and then my therapist suggested I track my emotions with an app called How We Feel that would ping me at random times throughout the day and ask me to choose among some options to describe my current mood. I still sometimes self-describe as a miserable fuck. But it did give me a much more nuanced view of my minute-to-minute emotional experience. And I did walk away feeling like I am generally less miserable than I thought I was, if that makes any sense.
It totally does and I appreciate the suggestion. I do struggle with alexithymia (emotional blindness), so it's more that I know my baseline happiness is on the low side. I've done mood tracking and it's variable throughout a typical day.
I also believe, even after tracking, or at least hope, my baseline happiness is lower than average.
I don't know if you experienced this, but one thing that really struck me about mood tracking was how difficult it was for me to choose between options. I don't remember exactly what the options were, but roughly 75% of the time how I felt was one option tinged with a significant amount of the opposite option.
YES!! I can be happy and sad at the same time. Easy peasy. It's an ability to experience the bittersweetness of life, imo. Even though processing emotions is on a delay, it seems to be because they're too complex and layered. I feel A LOT lol
Hilariously, my mom was concerned when I was growing up that I didn't feel enough and had no empathy when it's the other way around. I have a kinda flat affect when I'm not masking and relaxed, so combine that with delayed emotional processing and not-so-great communication skills. I understand why my mom was worried. My teenage emotions were just way too big to handle, especially with undiagnosed autism and ADHD.
Maybe all that resonates?
This will only make sense if you're an Elliot Smith fan, but his music makes me more happy than sad, which, I am told, is incorrect. And objectively, shit's usually depressing af in every way possible. But it's bittersweet to me and I often listen to it when I need to cheer up.
Whew I could write for days about feeling "too much." I could write for days about how the feeling/belief/fear that whatever I am feeling is too much makes everything worse. I could write for days about the gap between what I'm feeling and what others perceive me as feeling. And how sometimes the perception is totally wrong but other times I have "no poker face."
Interesting. I'm a generally melancholic sort of woman, and yet my marriage is quite happy.
*In the least invalidating and annoying way possible* I used to think I was really unhappy most of the time and then my therapist suggested I track my emotions with an app called How We Feel that would ping me at random times throughout the day and ask me to choose among some options to describe my current mood. I still sometimes self-describe as a miserable fuck. But it did give me a much more nuanced view of my minute-to-minute emotional experience. And I did walk away feeling like I am generally less miserable than I thought I was, if that makes any sense.
It totally does and I appreciate the suggestion. I do struggle with alexithymia (emotional blindness), so it's more that I know my baseline happiness is on the low side. I've done mood tracking and it's variable throughout a typical day.
I also believe, even after tracking, or at least hope, my baseline happiness is lower than average.
I don't know if you experienced this, but one thing that really struck me about mood tracking was how difficult it was for me to choose between options. I don't remember exactly what the options were, but roughly 75% of the time how I felt was one option tinged with a significant amount of the opposite option.
YES!! I can be happy and sad at the same time. Easy peasy. It's an ability to experience the bittersweetness of life, imo. Even though processing emotions is on a delay, it seems to be because they're too complex and layered. I feel A LOT lol
Hilariously, my mom was concerned when I was growing up that I didn't feel enough and had no empathy when it's the other way around. I have a kinda flat affect when I'm not masking and relaxed, so combine that with delayed emotional processing and not-so-great communication skills. I understand why my mom was worried. My teenage emotions were just way too big to handle, especially with undiagnosed autism and ADHD.
Maybe all that resonates?
This will only make sense if you're an Elliot Smith fan, but his music makes me more happy than sad, which, I am told, is incorrect. And objectively, shit's usually depressing af in every way possible. But it's bittersweet to me and I often listen to it when I need to cheer up.
Whew I could write for days about feeling "too much." I could write for days about how the feeling/belief/fear that whatever I am feeling is too much makes everything worse. I could write for days about the gap between what I'm feeling and what others perceive me as feeling. And how sometimes the perception is totally wrong but other times I have "no poker face."
Damn the hell skippy (full stop).