I often second-guess myself in relationships. Am I too needy? Am I unreasonable? Am I asking for too much? Am I offering too little? Is this why I’m alone? Can I ever be made happy? Will I always find fault and focus on it? I think what’s at the heart of these questions is, “Do I deserve this?” I read something great a while ago about why we victim-blame. It’s a way to assert control over an unpredictable, out-of-control world. We tell ourselves that the victim is at fault because we need to believe there’s something we can do to avoid becoming victims ourselves. If we believe that we can do everything right and still have something terrible happen to us that’s a terrifying thought. So we find fault with victims so we can function.
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