1. We should expect that the rise of companionate marriage as a cultural ideal would increase assortativeness. In a companionate marriage, you want your partner to be someone you can understand, sympathize with, bond over shared experience and outlook with: to use the cliche, a best friend as well as a lover. And everybody finds it easier to befriend, understand, etc those of similar social class, education, and income.
2. Legalizing work is important not just to raise male earnings but to raise the number of dimensions on which men can display distinctive achievement. It's that sense of distinctive achievement which gives men the ego-stroking (if you want to be uncharitable) or secure dignity (to be more charitable) that helps us be better partners. I can think of several successful female-breadwinner marriages in my social circle where the male partner's dignity and status comes from some not particularly highly paid skill: she's an engineer or manager or similar and he's an outstanding carpenter/handyman, or musician, or artist, or cook, or some such. And the fewer bureaucratic barriers there are to making gigs of *some* sort out of those kinds of endeavors, the more ways men will have to "do something excellent in her presence," in the immortal words of the Tao of Steve.
May 25, 2023·edited May 25, 2023Liked by Cathy Reisenwitz
Parenthood tends to sort this out somewhat. You have a shared purpose, and you're not thinking about yourself first, you're thinking about what's best for the kids. Unless the dad's a toxic mess or there's some logistical reason, there needs to be two parents raising children. Ideally there should be far more adults than this, but that's another long one.
I make less money than my wife, but I go extra hard in dad duties, and that's what's most important. Except for the school music concert the other day; that was bad.
I hate so much how willing we are to believe that the post war period was the naturalest of times. It was such a bizarre time frame, but we act like God created woman out of Dwight D Eisenhower's rib and put her in the living room with some stilletos and a vacuum cleaner.
Two things:
1. We should expect that the rise of companionate marriage as a cultural ideal would increase assortativeness. In a companionate marriage, you want your partner to be someone you can understand, sympathize with, bond over shared experience and outlook with: to use the cliche, a best friend as well as a lover. And everybody finds it easier to befriend, understand, etc those of similar social class, education, and income.
2. Legalizing work is important not just to raise male earnings but to raise the number of dimensions on which men can display distinctive achievement. It's that sense of distinctive achievement which gives men the ego-stroking (if you want to be uncharitable) or secure dignity (to be more charitable) that helps us be better partners. I can think of several successful female-breadwinner marriages in my social circle where the male partner's dignity and status comes from some not particularly highly paid skill: she's an engineer or manager or similar and he's an outstanding carpenter/handyman, or musician, or artist, or cook, or some such. And the fewer bureaucratic barriers there are to making gigs of *some* sort out of those kinds of endeavors, the more ways men will have to "do something excellent in her presence," in the immortal words of the Tao of Steve.
Parenthood tends to sort this out somewhat. You have a shared purpose, and you're not thinking about yourself first, you're thinking about what's best for the kids. Unless the dad's a toxic mess or there's some logistical reason, there needs to be two parents raising children. Ideally there should be far more adults than this, but that's another long one.
I make less money than my wife, but I go extra hard in dad duties, and that's what's most important. Except for the school music concert the other day; that was bad.
I hate so much how willing we are to believe that the post war period was the naturalest of times. It was such a bizarre time frame, but we act like God created woman out of Dwight D Eisenhower's rib and put her in the living room with some stilletos and a vacuum cleaner.
When is your book coming out?
NYT today
https://open.spotify.com/episode/3CAwNCCLNztD38bopvFa5h?si=JlfaRWZrQFKb89myBbwicA