My Domme name

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As I recently shared, I’ve signed up for a Domme class starting late October.

Mistress has already given me an assignment: Come up with my Domme name. Now, I have mixed feelings about this. I’ll get to that later. Life is short so eat ass first. I asked the internet for suggestions and baby, my friends are hilarious. And they know me so well. Below, in no particular order (though you will notice some themes):

• Contessa Affordable Housing, via @XtinaDavidson

• Cath Exis, via @palecur

• From @vivekt17: Mistress Cathy, Eroder of Unearned Power; Ball Buster of Public Sector Unions; Ms. Decarcerator: Upzoning Goddess

• Cathy Thighs’nWhips, via @crossofcrimson

• ser cathy of yimby, red knight of affordable housing and lord protector of consent, via @hypnovirus

• Miss Reisen. The tag line would be, “If you’re not with me, you’ll definitely Miss Reisen.” via @ThomasKatty44

• Ayn Randy, via @MidwestHedgie

• DominateNIMBYs, via @yesitsweems

• Reisenwhips, via @kuanyinspeaks

• Ms Cerebral, via @haleys_haunts_0f

• Mistress Red, via @emaidmantanner

• Mistress Libertine or Lady Libertine, via @mrs.ra.horny

• The Road to SerfDomme via @bluesxplosnman

Let me know your favorites (and your suggestions) in the comments.

Okay, so here’s my issue.

My first job out of college was SEO copywriter. I also handled social media marketing for various brands. All of this work impressed on me the importance of being easy to find online. With a name like Cathy Reisenwitz, I was born on third base, so to speak. The competition isn’t fierce.

For a long time, back before I was of drinking age, when you Googled “Cathy Reisenwitz” one of the only results was “My name is Cathy Reisenwitz and I’m an alcoholic.” I hope you stayed sober, name twin.

Every platform I’m on (except Reddit) you’ll find me by typing “Cathy Reisenwitz” or “cathyreisenwitz” into the URL or search bar. I don’t just use my full, real name for marketing though.

Pro-Dommeing is highly stigmatized, semi-legal (depending on where you live and what you do) work. Any kind of sex work comes with risks. So I understand why many pro-Dommes choose a stage name.

Plus, I can see how it might help you “get into character,” so to speak.

However, I feel very strongly that not being “out” about whatever it is about you that’s stigmatized only serves to reinforce that stigma. By denying who you are or what you do, you’re saying that you don’t want other people to associate you with “those people.” If you’re in the closet, you’re saying you don’t want people to know you’re gay. If you’re not out about being a sex worker, you don’t want people to know you’re a whore. If you’re not out about being kinky, etc.

Obviously there’s good reason to not want to admit to being part of a stigmatized minority. And if you would lose custody of your kids or lose irreplaceable housing or employment if you came out then please, don’t come out.

This is going to sound harsh and pointed. And I’m sorry for that. But I don’t understand people who choose to stay closeted so they can continue to work for people who wouldn’t employ them if they knew who they really were. Especially when there are plenty of people who will.

Every time someone agrees to make OF content with me but won’t let me show their face they’re telling me they’re willing to reinforce whorephobia so they get to continue working for people who hate whores so much they’d fire them for making a pornographic video. In San Francisco there are plenty of people who don’t give a shit about your porn career who will hire you. Work for them.

In my opinion, everyone who can come out about their stigmatized identity should come out because that’s the only way to erode stigma. When most people thought they didn’t know a gay person it was easy to believe conservatives’ lies about gay people. It’s only when people started coming out that everyone else realized gay people are awesome, actually.

Right now, most people don’t realize they know a current or former sex worker. So when conservatives and SWERFs lie and say “No one chooses to do sex work,” for example, they often believe them.

I’m out and proud because now everyone who knows me sees there’s no gun to my head. They may not agree with my choice to do sex work, but they see it was a choice as much as any of my other choices of employment.

All that said, any ethical system should probably aim itself at reducing suffering. If being out is going to cause you more suffering than it’ll alleviate for others then don’t do it. But I would posit that you’re probably overestimating the risk and underestimating the reward of being unapologetically yourself by a lot. Most people, most of the time, are too risk averse. We’re evolved to stay alive long enough to create progeny who live long enough to reproduce. That’s all. We’re not evolved to thrive or reach enlightenment or self-actualize. We have not evolved brains that tell us how to live our best lives.

I was afraid to come out as having done sex work. It took me years. I was afraid to start my OnlyFans. I was afraid to post pictures of my asshole on the internet. But I did it scared and I’ve not regretted any of those things for one small second. I’m proud of myself for doing it scared and I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve found through being authentic. I can’t imagine signing up for this Domme class without having done sex work and having started my OnlyFans. You don’t know what you’re missing out on by staying closeted.

Signed, with love, Cathy Thighs’nWhips