Learning to Domme
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Exciting news to share. I’ve signed up for a ten-week online course on how to Domme starting late October.
I’m not super kinky and if anything in bed I lean submissive. I’ve read a lot more about kink than I’ve practiced it. And that was mostly fine until very recently. I remember one night a few weeks ago I couldn’t sleep and, like one does, ended up trawling reddit learning about forced feminization. It might have something to do with when, months and months ago, someone messaged me on OF asking for basically that. I did it some, all online, and enjoyed it well enough.
Why does anyone do anything? We never really know, though more reasons come to the fore in hindsight.
I want to make more money so I can retire earlier and do activism full-time sooner. I want to write books and that’s hard to do on top of a day job. And I’m kind of bored with just taking naked selfies and masturating on OF.
I’d love to make more partnered content but finding someone I really want to have sex with who also wants to have sex with me and is available to do so and is willing to do so on camera is not easy. Obviously I could have sex mostly for the content but that’s not interesting to me at all.
Similarly subbing on OF sounds fun and interesting but also logistically difficult. It’s too hard to do all this without the partner also being a trained, trustworthy Dom.
BDSM is certainly whips and chains but that’s not the core of it. The core is psychology. It’s understanding another person’s desires, limits, and signals. Sometimes it’s understanding their past traumas. It’s getting to know what a word means to them. It’s learning what an eye flicker indicates about their psychological state. It’s learning how to transport someone out of their default state and into a totally different state of mind. One that may be more present, free, fearful, alert, overwhelmed, etc. The ability to work with another person to alter their state of consciousness is one of the most interesting and compelling parts of sex for me. It’s a tremendous honor and responsibility.
I think I could be a decent Domme. I’m a fairly quick study. I’m interested in and enjoy sex. I’m difficult to gross out. I rarely, if ever, have the urge to shame people for their kinks.
I signed up for a class rather than going to munches or reading books because I think it’ll be easier and require less decision-making on my part. It’s also contained. At the end of ten weeks I’ll likely have a good idea about whether this is something I should pursue. I like that this class has a networking component as well. And, I think it’ll make me better at sex and especially about writing and talking about sex to learn some things about BDSM even if I never end up going hard on the whips and chains.
I really like the idea of sitting down with people and talking to them about what they want in bed. I like the challenge of asking the right questions. I recently asked my subscribers on OF what their kinks are and the messages are already interesting.
One thing that captivates me about sex is just how vast it is. Recently one of my friends told me about erotic visual novels, which I had no idea existed. They recommended itch.io and Dikgames. And for non-erotic Katawa Shoujo and ANALOGUE: A HATE STORY. Disclaimer: I haven’t checked any of this out yet.
Like there are just so many forms and kinds and flavors of smut and I absolutely love that but I also hate that it’s so hard to find bc of unnecessary superstition and shame. And I also hate how much of it isn’t what I want.
Another reason I’m excited about the Domme class is because I think it might help me figure out what I like in bed. I tend to date vanilla people so I don’t have a ton of opportunities other than smut to explore non-vanilla sexual practices.
Anyhoodle. Obviously I’ll keep you posted. I might make the posts paid-only because they’re not direct activism and I want to reward my paying subscribers and because it’s kinda, ya know, intimate. But we’ll see. I’ll also share the link to the course when the Mistress sets up an affiliate program. Wish me luck!