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Boys and girls are not the same – and the differences are deeper than mere genitals. Boys tend to rebel against their mothers much earlier than girls – there’s a reason why the ‘bratty half-pint’ trope is normally a boy and the ‘bratty teenage daughter’ is normally a girl – and, when they lack a strong male figure in their life tend to run into problems. Boys don’t think like girls and attempts to understand them in a feminine light are doomed to failure.
For example, boys tend to bond over shared interests – and places they can relax and be themselves – or shared goals (the military).
The problem today is that many boys feel, rightly or wrongly, that masculinity is under attack. There is no clear line between ‘healthy’ and ‘toxic’ masculinity, which makes it impossible to work out what you should be doing and very easy to fall into the trap of thinking nothing will ever be good enough, so why bother? The lack of strong male role models – and some role models who try to be one of the boys instead of assuming the father role – means that boys, often unsure or angry or alienated, are drawn to role models like Andrew Tate. Tate has the great advantage of understanding young men, with insights denied to women, and thus finds it easier to draw them into his way of thinking. The fact that Tate himself was silenced (or at least ‘they’ tried to silence him) actually gave him credit he didn’t deserve. He was seen as the underdog, not a monumental pain in the behind.
At base, the problem is that decent role models have been driven out of society … clearing the way for toxic role models like Tate.
Can anything be done about this?
I think the best course of action is three-fold. First, we need more male teachers and more male-focused education. In particular, more vocational training, more sport, more opportunities and generally just more understanding. Second, we need more male-only clubs, run by men, where men can let their hair down (pardon the expression) and generally be themselves. Third, we need to be forgiving of minor transgressions that – when not forgiven – provide cover to major transgressions.
Why this?
Men have a tendency to speak and/or act first, without thinking. This tends to lead to them putting their foot in their mouth and saying something that gets a response that they see as a massive overreaction (see thread below). This fuels a general suspicion and contempt for feminine reactions and/or judgement, which tends to obscure the fact that some ‘overreactions’ are nothing of the sort. Worse, because this mistake is never left in the past, it becomes a source of resentment and eventual hatred. Men think “I apologised so many times and made it up to her time and time again and she just won’t shut up about it and I’m sick of it and I’ve had enough!”
There was a time when ‘male supremacy’ was a thing and feminists were entirely justified in regarding it as grossly unfair. But to the vast majority of men, that time is gone. Things are different now, and if we don’t adapt to the changing world others – like Tate – will sneak in and take advantage of our own foolishness.
Thank you for your thoughts. It's good to see people thinking deeply about this. I definitely agree that boys lack for positive male role models and a model for healthy masculinity. More vocational training is something I advocate for as well.
Your point about forgiving minor transgressions is interesting. I think there's something to that. In fact, I have so much to say about that that I'm just going to write a post. Stay tuned!
Interesting article. I agreed with most of it. How interested are you in some thoughts and feedback?
I am interested in equal proportion to their quality 😂 Jk hit me.
It’s a fraught subject, but here goes.
Boys and girls are not the same – and the differences are deeper than mere genitals. Boys tend to rebel against their mothers much earlier than girls – there’s a reason why the ‘bratty half-pint’ trope is normally a boy and the ‘bratty teenage daughter’ is normally a girl – and, when they lack a strong male figure in their life tend to run into problems. Boys don’t think like girls and attempts to understand them in a feminine light are doomed to failure.
For example, boys tend to bond over shared interests – and places they can relax and be themselves – or shared goals (the military).
The problem today is that many boys feel, rightly or wrongly, that masculinity is under attack. There is no clear line between ‘healthy’ and ‘toxic’ masculinity, which makes it impossible to work out what you should be doing and very easy to fall into the trap of thinking nothing will ever be good enough, so why bother? The lack of strong male role models – and some role models who try to be one of the boys instead of assuming the father role – means that boys, often unsure or angry or alienated, are drawn to role models like Andrew Tate. Tate has the great advantage of understanding young men, with insights denied to women, and thus finds it easier to draw them into his way of thinking. The fact that Tate himself was silenced (or at least ‘they’ tried to silence him) actually gave him credit he didn’t deserve. He was seen as the underdog, not a monumental pain in the behind.
At base, the problem is that decent role models have been driven out of society … clearing the way for toxic role models like Tate.
Can anything be done about this?
I think the best course of action is three-fold. First, we need more male teachers and more male-focused education. In particular, more vocational training, more sport, more opportunities and generally just more understanding. Second, we need more male-only clubs, run by men, where men can let their hair down (pardon the expression) and generally be themselves. Third, we need to be forgiving of minor transgressions that – when not forgiven – provide cover to major transgressions.
Why this?
Men have a tendency to speak and/or act first, without thinking. This tends to lead to them putting their foot in their mouth and saying something that gets a response that they see as a massive overreaction (see thread below). This fuels a general suspicion and contempt for feminine reactions and/or judgement, which tends to obscure the fact that some ‘overreactions’ are nothing of the sort. Worse, because this mistake is never left in the past, it becomes a source of resentment and eventual hatred. Men think “I apologised so many times and made it up to her time and time again and she just won’t shut up about it and I’m sick of it and I’ve had enough!”
This never ends well.
Thread - https://twitter.com/iproposethis/status/1161130456286289920
There was a time when ‘male supremacy’ was a thing and feminists were entirely justified in regarding it as grossly unfair. But to the vast majority of men, that time is gone. Things are different now, and if we don’t adapt to the changing world others – like Tate – will sneak in and take advantage of our own foolishness.
Thank you for your thoughts. It's good to see people thinking deeply about this. I definitely agree that boys lack for positive male role models and a model for healthy masculinity. More vocational training is something I advocate for as well.
Your point about forgiving minor transgressions is interesting. I think there's something to that. In fact, I have so much to say about that that I'm just going to write a post. Stay tuned!