I have so many thoughts but my first is it’s shocking to me how gender normed everyone still is.
I’m not talking about edge case trans people and queer people. The amount of students who are shocked when they hear my wife plays video games. There’s a lot more 1950s households than you probably think if you pay for a newsletter on gender. This all leads to me understanding the value of being a man in elementary school even if Florida politics makes me want to quit from time to time.
Second it’s really hard to reset gendered habits. They usually fall beneath the field of notice. The excellent book talking 9 to 5 is really good reading if you’re a man working in a feminine workplace. I remember reading about those and the role of arguing and complaining being different over gender lines is really stark. It might be good for a woman in male fields idk.
Third it’s so important that this is done by like fists and exile of five year olds which makes it really hard to address. I got myself out of a lot of habits by leaving the country and getting to reinvent myself in meaningful ways after college as a foreign English instructor. It gives you a lot of time to figure out who you are absent parochial judgements.
In a similar vein, I think the feminist movement has done a much better job raising the status of women then raising the status of feminine coded work/traits/hobbies. An empowered women rejects femininity rejects femininity and was only socialized into it in the first place--never that feminine work/traits/hobbies are vital and men need to be part of these important and vital things.
Wow, that's a bit disorientating. I am going to need to sit with that for some time.
It did prompt a thought about the content of the recent interview between Ruth Whippman and Francesca Cavallo, which explored some of the reasons that men expanding into their full humanity is harder than it was for women.
"I don’t know how to make it safer for men to perform femininity".
I'm sure you've covered this but it seems to me like we should isolate behavior sets from gender. Sort of like "abolish" gender. Instead of performing femininity, men should perform... A set of behaviors associated with femininity but labelled something else
Association with gender is a reason men have less freedom to behave certain ways. Vulnerability for example. Disconnecting behavior from gender would remove a cause that constrains men's freedom.
So, instead of men performing femininity, one might say men performing love, fidelity or something like that.
Right. It would be good if we all stopped participating in using the coded language. I think using the language contributes to the coding. Abolish gender coding language!
I have so many thoughts but my first is it’s shocking to me how gender normed everyone still is.
I’m not talking about edge case trans people and queer people. The amount of students who are shocked when they hear my wife plays video games. There’s a lot more 1950s households than you probably think if you pay for a newsletter on gender. This all leads to me understanding the value of being a man in elementary school even if Florida politics makes me want to quit from time to time.
Second it’s really hard to reset gendered habits. They usually fall beneath the field of notice. The excellent book talking 9 to 5 is really good reading if you’re a man working in a feminine workplace. I remember reading about those and the role of arguing and complaining being different over gender lines is really stark. It might be good for a woman in male fields idk.
Third it’s so important that this is done by like fists and exile of five year olds which makes it really hard to address. I got myself out of a lot of habits by leaving the country and getting to reinvent myself in meaningful ways after college as a foreign English instructor. It gives you a lot of time to figure out who you are absent parochial judgements.
In a similar vein, I think the feminist movement has done a much better job raising the status of women then raising the status of feminine coded work/traits/hobbies. An empowered women rejects femininity rejects femininity and was only socialized into it in the first place--never that feminine work/traits/hobbies are vital and men need to be part of these important and vital things.
Completely agree. I find myself even now reflexively distancing myself from femininity.
Wow, that's a bit disorientating. I am going to need to sit with that for some time.
It did prompt a thought about the content of the recent interview between Ruth Whippman and Francesca Cavallo, which explored some of the reasons that men expanding into their full humanity is harder than it was for women.
I'm honored to be part of your introspection!
MMBA
MAKE MEN BETTER AGAIN
Catchy, seems I've been reminded of something else .
"I don’t know how to make it safer for men to perform femininity".
I'm sure you've covered this but it seems to me like we should isolate behavior sets from gender. Sort of like "abolish" gender. Instead of performing femininity, men should perform... A set of behaviors associated with femininity but labelled something else
How would that help solve the problem?
Association with gender is a reason men have less freedom to behave certain ways. Vulnerability for example. Disconnecting behavior from gender would remove a cause that constrains men's freedom.
So, instead of men performing femininity, one might say men performing love, fidelity or something like that.
We can and do say men can and should perform vulnerability. But that doesn’t solve the problem that vulnerability is coded feminine.
Right. It would be good if we all stopped participating in using the coded language. I think using the language contributes to the coding. Abolish gender coding language!