I think the way you square the circle between the belief that teens are not fucking enough and that hookup culture must go is that the actual thing that is supposed to happen is shotgun weddings.
You get a woman trapped in a marriage in her home town before she can find herself and then it becomes her responsibility to manage the disfunction of the young man she is stuck to rather than a societal problem.
It's funny how we take notice when we hear about someone having sex. It’s always felt somewhat exciting and important to hear that so-and-so fucked whats-his-face. And when you add up a lifetime of noticing, it can start to feel like people are fucking constantly! But when we stop to notice the people we know *not* having sex, or having very little sex, that’s probably the much bigger trend. It’s just not exciting to notice, and hard to notice the lack of something in the first place.
I don't think that has anything to do with conservatives writing exaggerated articles about sex. I don’t think most conservatives mean a word of what they write.
I'm in that 10%, as someone that roughly identifies as asexual. The biggest reason I had so many sexual partners wasn't porn or a bunch of women eager to have sex with me, but because I was incapable of developing a healthy relationship. I grew up in an environment that didn't prepare me to create healthy intimate relationships, so I kept getting into new ones.
All those sexual partners, even the ones I had sex with on the first date, were intended to be something more. However, my childhood didn't prepare me for healthy intimate relationships because my parents bought into the patriarchal purity culture. Instead of clearly figuring out who I was to bring to a romantic relationship, I was given a pitifully thin (figurative) rulebook about what is and isn't allowed in dating. Rulebooks work at the beginning and if you know *why* those rules exist, but it serves as an awful foundation for a fulfilling relationship that leads to a successful, long marriage.
Your assessments are on point as always, and you've stated pretty much everything I would if I had the opportunity!
I find it very sad that our society overall is trending towards less sex, especially after the increase seen during the 90's. Somehow, the right-wing, conservative hand-wringing over human sexuality has successfully shamed the country back towards sexlessness, whether via politics or media presence. I know it's been said before, but that conservative mindset seems to be uncomfortable with any lifestyle that doesn't resemble what they're familiar with... or are currently miserable living themselves. A shift away from mono-normativity and/or repressive, puritanical values either frightens or angers them because it's perceived as a threat to what they're comfortable with. They simply can't "live and let live", they have to make sure everyone has the same lifestyle as they and make all the same life choices.
I wonder, is it that our society is regressing backwards to framing sex as only existing/valued for procreation and within a committed monogamous relationship? Seeing sex as simply endemic of any healthy life, alongside exercise, meditation, healthy foods, socializing, etc, seems anathema to some. Sex can be recreational, casual, transactional, emotional... independently or simultaneously, and some can't wrap their heads around this nuanced acceptance. Sex is morally neutral. I include sex as part of my weekly healthy habits of yoga, Pilates, meditation, therapy, time with friends, whether with my primary partner or another person, because I enjoy it's relational value, mind/body benefits and it's super fun too. And honestly, I think I also just like being naked with other people!
The Manosphere squares increasing sexlessness with rampant hook-up culture as follows. A small minority of attractive "alpha males" (called Chads and Tyrones) are having the majority of hook-up sex with a large number of women while the vast majority of average guys (beta males) are going without. This allows for most young men to be sexless and most young women to be "thots".
I think the way you square the circle between the belief that teens are not fucking enough and that hookup culture must go is that the actual thing that is supposed to happen is shotgun weddings.
You get a woman trapped in a marriage in her home town before she can find herself and then it becomes her responsibility to manage the disfunction of the young man she is stuck to rather than a societal problem.
That's how it worked in past gens of my family.
It's funny how we take notice when we hear about someone having sex. It’s always felt somewhat exciting and important to hear that so-and-so fucked whats-his-face. And when you add up a lifetime of noticing, it can start to feel like people are fucking constantly! But when we stop to notice the people we know *not* having sex, or having very little sex, that’s probably the much bigger trend. It’s just not exciting to notice, and hard to notice the lack of something in the first place.
I don't think that has anything to do with conservatives writing exaggerated articles about sex. I don’t think most conservatives mean a word of what they write.
I'm in that 10%, as someone that roughly identifies as asexual. The biggest reason I had so many sexual partners wasn't porn or a bunch of women eager to have sex with me, but because I was incapable of developing a healthy relationship. I grew up in an environment that didn't prepare me to create healthy intimate relationships, so I kept getting into new ones.
All those sexual partners, even the ones I had sex with on the first date, were intended to be something more. However, my childhood didn't prepare me for healthy intimate relationships because my parents bought into the patriarchal purity culture. Instead of clearly figuring out who I was to bring to a romantic relationship, I was given a pitifully thin (figurative) rulebook about what is and isn't allowed in dating. Rulebooks work at the beginning and if you know *why* those rules exist, but it serves as an awful foundation for a fulfilling relationship that leads to a successful, long marriage.
Your assessments are on point as always, and you've stated pretty much everything I would if I had the opportunity!
I find it very sad that our society overall is trending towards less sex, especially after the increase seen during the 90's. Somehow, the right-wing, conservative hand-wringing over human sexuality has successfully shamed the country back towards sexlessness, whether via politics or media presence. I know it's been said before, but that conservative mindset seems to be uncomfortable with any lifestyle that doesn't resemble what they're familiar with... or are currently miserable living themselves. A shift away from mono-normativity and/or repressive, puritanical values either frightens or angers them because it's perceived as a threat to what they're comfortable with. They simply can't "live and let live", they have to make sure everyone has the same lifestyle as they and make all the same life choices.
I wonder, is it that our society is regressing backwards to framing sex as only existing/valued for procreation and within a committed monogamous relationship? Seeing sex as simply endemic of any healthy life, alongside exercise, meditation, healthy foods, socializing, etc, seems anathema to some. Sex can be recreational, casual, transactional, emotional... independently or simultaneously, and some can't wrap their heads around this nuanced acceptance. Sex is morally neutral. I include sex as part of my weekly healthy habits of yoga, Pilates, meditation, therapy, time with friends, whether with my primary partner or another person, because I enjoy it's relational value, mind/body benefits and it's super fun too. And honestly, I think I also just like being naked with other people!
Brendan Case's ears must be burning! And deservedly so. Excellent putdown of an ignoramus with an agenda.
The Manosphere squares increasing sexlessness with rampant hook-up culture as follows. A small minority of attractive "alpha males" (called Chads and Tyrones) are having the majority of hook-up sex with a large number of women while the vast majority of average guys (beta males) are going without. This allows for most young men to be sexless and most young women to be "thots".