I think there’s something to this and it’s also missing something.
Like the fact that I’m a pretty feminine autistic (Asperger’s originally) bisexual man has pushed my status down not up. My father makes a lot more than me. I’m a school teacher and do most of the housework and childcare for our foster kid. It’s not the violent hellscape that growing up and working as a line cook was. I remember liking Care Bears and my little pony in first grade and being bullied for it. Yes I got out of that going to college but I’m still somewhat downwardly mobile and it seems pretty obviously self interested to be pro feminism and anti patriarchy.
I’ve met a lot of femme boys trans women and like I’ve never met one who is like I work at a bank and make huge sums. I’m still very worried if you can get a job in many places presenting very femininely. Being able to work with little kids who don’t have strong gender or social norms literally saved my life from being another washed up autistic queer who couldn’t hack it. I don’t think I’d be hirable if I couldn’t perform at least some masculinity.
My mental model is that a lot of masculinity is a form of occupational therapy -- a way of dealing with the distinct physical and mental and social challenges that often come with male biology. And as with any informal therapy, it's most needed by people who don't have the personal resources to solve these problems on their own or the economic resources to get really good external help -- your "bottom half" cohort.
In this model, since low-SES men are most likely to need the (modest and flawed but real) therapeutic effects of masculinity, low-SES men are most judged for failing to pursue them; an "upper half" man can reasonably be assumed to be getting his inner peace elsewhere, whether professionally or chemically or _homo doctus in se divitias semper habet_ or whatever.
People also very often see their gender as part of their identity and want to perform it not just for others, but for themselves too. Lower socio economic men may also just feel happier and more in tune with themselves performing masculinity in a way that higher status men won't.
Yeah the class division is a bitch. Where I live in my head none of it matters at all. But I know you're discovering the world as I was at your age and I'm comfortable with where you are right now you're firmly on the right track and I'm pretty proud of you two 😁👍
I think there’s something to this and it’s also missing something.
Like the fact that I’m a pretty feminine autistic (Asperger’s originally) bisexual man has pushed my status down not up. My father makes a lot more than me. I’m a school teacher and do most of the housework and childcare for our foster kid. It’s not the violent hellscape that growing up and working as a line cook was. I remember liking Care Bears and my little pony in first grade and being bullied for it. Yes I got out of that going to college but I’m still somewhat downwardly mobile and it seems pretty obviously self interested to be pro feminism and anti patriarchy.
I’ve met a lot of femme boys trans women and like I’ve never met one who is like I work at a bank and make huge sums. I’m still very worried if you can get a job in many places presenting very femininely. Being able to work with little kids who don’t have strong gender or social norms literally saved my life from being another washed up autistic queer who couldn’t hack it. I don’t think I’d be hirable if I couldn’t perform at least some masculinity.
My mental model is that a lot of masculinity is a form of occupational therapy -- a way of dealing with the distinct physical and mental and social challenges that often come with male biology. And as with any informal therapy, it's most needed by people who don't have the personal resources to solve these problems on their own or the economic resources to get really good external help -- your "bottom half" cohort.
In this model, since low-SES men are most likely to need the (modest and flawed but real) therapeutic effects of masculinity, low-SES men are most judged for failing to pursue them; an "upper half" man can reasonably be assumed to be getting his inner peace elsewhere, whether professionally or chemically or _homo doctus in se divitias semper habet_ or whatever.
People also very often see their gender as part of their identity and want to perform it not just for others, but for themselves too. Lower socio economic men may also just feel happier and more in tune with themselves performing masculinity in a way that higher status men won't.
Yeah the class division is a bitch. Where I live in my head none of it matters at all. But I know you're discovering the world as I was at your age and I'm comfortable with where you are right now you're firmly on the right track and I'm pretty proud of you two 😁👍