The Proust Questionnaire

I just found out about The Proust Questionnaire from an Instagram post. I’m going to do it. But I am giving myself just three minutes max per question.

• What is your idea of perfect happiness?

To be honest, I thought about this for more than three minutes while I was deciding how to do this. I could think about this, and have thought about this, for hours and hours. Anyway, my answer is “flow.” Any time I am fully present in the moment, unaware of the passing of time, not thinking about the past, present, or anything outside of the here and now, that is happiness. It’s something I get from reading, writing, and good sex.

• What is your greatest fear?

Regret. Mostly I regret hurting people.

• What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Timidity? Risk aversion? Insufficient theory of mind? I despise how there are things about me that are just dumb and off-putting, but of which I am not aware.

• What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Dishonesty. It’s boring, insulting, and a waste of time. I prefer all kinds of unsavory traits that people are open and honest about to lying.

• Which living person do you most admire?

My mom.

• What is your greatest extravagance?

TIME. I’ve saved up and am currently splurging on not just time, but the most valuable time. My dream was to spend my most productive hours on the shit I care most about, which only I can really do. There’s no thing that is more valuable than time. That’s why people are happiest when they spend money on experiences. They have bought the best way to spend their time.

• What is your current state of mind?

Liminal. It’s Sunday afternoon. I’m kind of working. But also kind of relaxing. I’m getting ready to really get ready for the week ahead.

• What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Faithfulness. I hate the term “flip flopper.” Abstinence is another contender. No one should get credit for not doing something. Especially something that has no impact on anyone else. But I think it’s ultimately unthinking committed adherence to some cause or idea with no consideration for impact or reality.

• On what occasion do you lie?

I don’t know. Nothing comes to mind except sometimes I lie to myself. But if I knew I were doing it at the time it would be a lot less damaging. I think I lie when I really want something. I really want a relationship to work so I lie about it to myself. I really want to believe something so I make up some shit to make it internally consistent.

• What do you most dislike about your appearance?

That’s a hard one too. I don’t know. I guess I wish I were prettier. I don’t really know aesthetics well enough to know what would be the highest impact change. I should probably fix my teeth. My jaw is pretty square. My boobs could be bigger. I’ve very long waisted. My legs could be longer. But I like my small boobs. And my pale skin, though it is annoying to not be able to withstand exposure to direct sunlight.

• Which living person do you most despise?

Peter Thiel.

• What is the quality you most like in a man?

Being completely obsessed with his wife.

• What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Being radically herself.

• Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Inside me are two wolves

• What or who is the greatest love of your life?

My boyfriend.

• When and where were you happiest?

Here and now.

• Which talent would you most like to have?

I’m currently working hard on getting better at shutting the fuck up when it’s strategic to do so. I would love to be more likable. I would love to make friends more easily. I would love to be more strategic and effective at making the world, starting with Huntsville, Alabama, better.

• If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would be more likable.

• What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Doing what I love and what only I can really do for a living. Hopefully it’ll be profitable enough to save while doing it soon.

• If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

Living in the future as most humans would be pretty fucking sweet. I’m so curious about what the future will look like. If I got to choose, I’d say someone who is radically not lonely. Someone deeply connected. I think that would be a really interesting, and probably the most human, experience.

• Where would you most like to live?

Huntsville, Alabama. After that, probably D.C. And then maybe New Orleans. Berlin would also be very cool.

• What is your most treasured possession?

My videos and photographs.

• What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

I’m torn between despair and apathy. Confusion is also pretty bad. Regret. Anything that separates me from other people I think is the worst human experience.

• What is your favorite occupation?

Writing!

• What is your most marked characteristic?

The word I hear most often is “intense” and it aligns with my experience of myself.

• What do you most value in your friends?

Honesty and interestingness.

• Who are your favorite writers?

PFFFT. Oscar Wilde. Augusten Burroughs. David Sedaris. Nancy Goldstone. R. Eric Thomas. There are so many!

• Who is your hero of fiction?

Angela Chase.

• Which historical figure do you most identify with?

I have no idea. Probably a particularly sassy monk drinking beer and writing histories with snide parentheticals.

• Who are your heroes in real life?

My mom.

• What are your favorite names?

Augusten.

• What is it that you most dislike?

Wasting time.

• What is your greatest regret?

Being mean to my first real love.

• How would you like to die?

I would like to not die.

• What is your motto?

Keep it real.