Stop saying “toxic masculinity”

Toxic masculinity does not exist. And I am sick and tired of you pretending that it does.

Let’s talk about “positive masculinity” for a sec, to understand why the whole concept of “toxic masculinity” never really made any sense.

Positive masculinity is just femininity.

Newsflash: Men were always allowed to be nice (depending on how you define nice).

The only thing gender never allows a man to be is feminine.

“Positive masculinity” either steals some positive traits from femininity without taking any of its negative ones (yay for enshittifying femininity!) or decides those traits now signify both masculinity and femininity. Which means now they actually signify neither.

No identity that means everything means anything.

If any behavior (or trait) counts equally as “masc” or “femme” (or “twink,” “bear,” “stone butch,” or whatever the fuck), then those categories aren’t categories anymore. Those concepts don’t mean anything. Any signifier that points to everything points to nothing.

If we’re going the enshittifying femininity route, then we’ll have to admit that means there are six genders, rather than two.

Instead of a dichotomy – masculinity vs femininity – we would have to have:

1. Toxic masculinity

2. Toxic femininity

3. Positive masculinity

4. Positive femininity

5. Default masculinity

6. Default femininity

Do you see how stupid all of this is?

Everyone who utters the words “toxic masculinity” non-ironically either:

1. Hasn’t thought about it long enough to think through what gender actually is and how it operates

2. Understands what gender actually is and how it operates but is too much of a pussy to state the obvious

When you say “toxic masculinity” what you really mean is “gender.”

There is no positive masculinity or positive femininity because gender exists to create and maintain a sex-based social hierarchy. And that, my babies, is a fundamentally and inexorably toxic task.

Not only is saying “toxic masculinity” instead of “gender” confusing for absolutely no purpose, but it has the added advantage of making people, especially people whose brains have been damaged by scarcity and loneliness, hear “men are bad.”

It alienates men and people who like men.

Worse, it lets gender off the hook for its crimes.

Stop doing it!

Thank you.