SSC vs RISK vs PRICK sex-positive consent terminology explained

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So I’m sitting there distracted from my Peter the Great documentary (having recently finished my Catherine the Great book) scrolling Facebook when I see a meme that cracks me up and turns me on.

Then someone comments below that meme a group for brats (it’s a BDSM/kink thing) which I join, and learn the group is a PRICK not a SSC group. “What the fuck is that?” I asked myself, as one does.

Which took me to this amazing article that goes into what these acronyms mean (they’re descriptions of consent standards in kink and BDSM).

It’s a super interesting article, but I particularly liked the author Mister Vinnie’s description of consensual non-consent, which I’ve been thinking about a lot recently especially as it relates to rape porn.

One of my first experiences in the kink community was as a guest of a Mistress at her Victorian three-story house that she used as a dungeon for a business. She invited several couples to use the house at their pleasure, for a price, and to engage in whatever games and practices that they thought up.

One young couple arrived with an ice chest in tow, despite being the middle of winter and bitterly cold in the Midwest. The gentleman, a young Dominant, ordered his young blonde submissive partner to get naked. He took a long length of heavy chain from the ice chest, full of ice, and draped it over her. She stood there, white as a polar icecap, with this cold metal chain draped from her very white skin, shivering as he laughed at her and told her to hold her composure and posture.

Later, he tied her hands above her head to an exposed pipe overhead and began flogging and whipping her, pinching and prodding her, leaving welts and marks, and generally violating her body while she cried out “no! please no! stop!” My immediate reaction was to stand up and intercede on her behalf. But in the kink community, we learn not to interfere in anyone’s scene.

As it turned out, they were practicing “consensual nonconsent,” a more advanced BDSM play. She had agreed to the play in advance and reacted as she might have had the encounter not been consensual. But it was all on the up and up. When their scene was done, they hugged and cuddled and seemed as happy if not happier than before the scene.

There are two kinds of rape porn. One is where someone films an actual rape. I hesitate to even label that porn. Just like there’s a massive difference between a movie where the character pretends to die and a snuff film there’s a massive difference between a porn performer pretending to get raped and a filmed rape. It needs its own term. I’m going with “ruff film” for now because I’m high and we need to move on.

Anyway, rape porn is just consensual non-consent filmed. Also I was reminded recently just how ubiquitous taboo fantasies are. People like me who like rape porn don’t like it because we think rape is cool. We think rape is absolutely horrible. It’s extremely taboo. That’s much of the appeal. Also just as a reminder something like 25% of women have rape fantasies.

But people are freaked out about rape porn because they don’t know. I mean some people know the truth and are manipulative shitbags. But most people just have no idea how common rape fantasies are. How would they? Most Americans don’t get medically accurate sex education. They sure as fuck don’t know shit about pleasure. We’re not talking about it enough.

Not only are we refusing to talk about sex, but we’re in the process of making the only sex education many people have access to illegal! Which will be very bad for everyone with zero benefit to anyone.

It will, among other things, ensure the only rape porn you can access is produced illegally, and very likely without consent. State violence makes markets more dangerous without meaningfully reducing demand or the inevitable supply.

In addition, consider that if people are afraid to talk about sex under social pressure now, imagine adding illegality to the mix. Imagine trying to talk to a partner about what you like in bed without being able to admit you watched porn or read erotica. Imagine pretending you simply dreamt up every possible fun bedroom activity from pure imagination. Or, more likely, imagine not telling your partner what you like in bed because you’re scared they’ll judge you or even report you for learning about it through porn.

Now I’m remembering that many people do shame their partners for watching porn or reading erotica. Which is really fucking sad. And for what? Who benefits? Literally no one.

Anyway, it’s a great article and I really like the PRICK way of defining consent.