Power is responsibility
Welcome to Sex and the State, a newsletter about power. Iām a writer working on decriminalizing and destigmatizing all things sex. I synthesize empirical evidence, anecdotes, and personal experience to interrogate existing power structures and propose new, better ways of relating. To support my work, buy a subscription, follow me on OnlyFans, or just share this post!
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One day in 2020 a billionaire started messaging me on OnlyFans. He wanted me to parade him around a sex party on a leash wearing a short skirt and make him suck dicks. And that, reader, is when I learned about the feminization/sissification fetish.
I didnāt think a whole lot about it until maybe a year later. I couldnāt sleep one night, and I started thinking about that guy. I started reading forums about feminization/sissification. I found Twitter accounts. I thought to myself, I like to wear makeup, get my nails done, and suck dick. Why not do it with a guy whoās paying me to do it together?
Fast forward to tonight. My therapist suggested I take myself on a date. I was going to go to a bar and read. But the book Iām reading isnāt very⦠well, fun. We Too is a great book but itās not a date read. So I thought Iād see if there were any interesting events happening in SF tonight. And thatās how I ended up at Dominance Discussion Group.
The topic of power came up, of course. And I finally realized what had changed for me with regard to my relationship to power. Iāve spent so much of my life rebelling against power. I despise being coerced and restricted and seeing it done to others.
For so long, my goal was autonomy for me and everyone else. I worked at libertarian think tanks. I have āI own me.ā tattooed on my arm. I was about that freedom.
But what I realized tonight is that Iām not against power anymore. The goal isnāt every man an island. Iām for power that is consensual and positive-sum. I love interdependence. I love persuasion and attraction, the consensual types of power. Iām for the kind of power that leaves everyone better off.
Another thing I was able to articulate for the first time was that a lot of what attracts me to domination is that it offers me the opportunity to give others something I think is very valuable. First, it gives me the chance to help someone achieve an altered state of consciousness (subspace). And I do love me some altered states of consciousness. And I want to give people a safe and judgement-free environment in which they can violate some of societyās dumber norms.
Thatās one thing that appeals to me about feminization. I, too, feel oppressed by gender essentialism, gendered expectations, and the way society violently enforces gender performance. I would love to give men the space to safely shove off those requirements for a few hours.
I want to provide value in everything I do. And I also want to avoid doing bad. Power isnāt good or bad. Itās neutral. Itās leverage. Iāve always seen how power corrupts. But Iām beginning to see how power is necessary to get things done. Whatās interesting right now to me about this work, both the work and the money Iām doing it to earn, is that my fear is starting to shift. Iāve spent most of my life afraid that Iāll be a burden to my family. Now Iām starting to feel afraid that I will succeed beyond my wildest dreams and that it will change me for the worse. Iām afraid that Iāll have scraped and sacrificed to be a force for good in the world and end up just being another shithead.
But you know what? The world has a lot of powerful shitheads in it. Why shouldnāt I be one of them?
I think if youāre not at least somewhat afraid to have power, you probably shouldnāt have it. Because power is responsibility.
So my goal now isnāt to abolish power. Itās to harness power to the benefit of all. Or at least a few sissies.
Awesome job on this piece. Having the power someone does not have but being willing to share is good in my opinion. Intrinsically not everyone should have access to power that would be a negative impact on them. It is the one with the power that can help gauge if sharing is appropriate, and thus achieves a balance.
The dickheads that hold on to power and only use it for personal gain are the problems. Responsibly sharing power appropriately with ones that do not have the same access, I would think would bring a cosmic smiley face situation.
The ones that receive the sharing of power probably has something that they can share later builds on goodwill. Nothing better than doing good with one's power.
Excellent read. It sounds like you're slowly becoming an anarchist.