Loneliness co-author William Patrick on how loneliness shittifies politics
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William Patrick co-wrote Loneliness with John Cacioppo and has contributed to a number of similar books. I’m on the last chapter and then intend to review the book. But in the meantime, Patrick was kind enough to grant me a phone interview in which we talked about how loneliness impacts politics, how liberalism impacts loneliness, and how writing the book changed his life.
The politics of loneliness
The connection between loneliness, trauma, and the triumvirate of authoritarianism, fascism, and white nationalism seems obvious to me.
But I wanted to know what Patrick thought of it.
“Absolutely,” Patrick said. Patrick said loneliness is deepening divisions. “It’s for sure being reflected in our politics. The red/blue split, leading to violence. People going off the deep end and mass shootings. There’s a hell of a lot of dysfunction that could be dealt with if we didn’t have such an atomistic, individualistic society. If we were a little bit more societally oriented.”
Patrick said the feeling that Trump is “one of us” overrode any disgust many voters may have had over his behavior or disagreements they might have had on policy. “A large part of the Trump thing was tribalism.”
“He doesn’t have to pass any policies that benefit me,” Patrick said, channeling his view of a Trump voter. “If I’m an Evangelical Christian I’ll look the other way that he cheats on his wives. It’s my tribe versus your tribe.”
“People are eager to belong to something and to identify with something that they feel is larger than themselves,” Patrick said.
The pure tribalism of “owning the libs” they talk about on Fox News is the best that some people feel they can do. “They’re kind of desperate,” Patrick said. If you’re a high school dropout sheetmetal worker in Cedar Rapids, Iowa and you look at the national media you certainly do not feel that that’s speaking to you. So Fox News comes along, along with social media, and you gravitate toward that because it makes a concerted effort to not necessarily speak the truth but to speak to what they know you want to hear. So you get that tribal feeling and oxytocin, serotonin high. It’s gratifying. It keeps you coming back.”
Liberalism and loneliness
I asked Patrick whether liberalism might be making loneliness worse. “Liberalism is a kind of cosmopolitan view of the world,” Patrick said. “It tries to transcend religion, national boundaries. It’s not just God bless America, it’s God bless the world. It even transcends time in that you’re often educated in history.”
Many people find meaning, purpose, and connection in religion and nationalism. If liberalism weakens or severs ties with religion and nationalism without offering an equally effective source for meaning and connection that can lead to atomization.
Not only that, but the divide between cosmopolitan liberal elites and downhome heartland conservatives is also alienating.
“What Barak Obama said about clinging to god, guns, and religion was absolutely the wrong thing to say,” Patrick said. I was raised Southern Baptist in rural Texas. Those are my people in the trailer parks in Texas. I felt alienated by how John Kerry talked.”
Patrick wants to see a Woody Guthrie, This Land is Your Land, Grapes of Wrath Americana. He wants to see Americans bond over a kind of heartland America that isn’t bifurcated along class and educational lines.
“I think the educated folks are going to have to make that outreach to the other folks,” Patrick said. “I don’t think it’s going to happen the other way around.”
Loneliness and life change
I asked Patrick whether co-authoring Loneliness changed his life in any way. “It made me appreciate the power of social connection that much more,” Patrick said. He told me the story, also in the book, of encountering a homeless man on the train from Boston to NYC. He’d bought himself this huge sandwich and didn’t want the other half, so he chased the man down. But in giving him the sandwhich, Patrick realized that the man was doing William a huge favor by taking the sandwich. They say it’s better to give than receive. “There really is something to it.”
Otherwise, Patrick just notices and appreciates opportunities to connect more. He spends a little less time in his shell. “Because it does everybody a lot of good psychologically. It’s not just psychological. It’s physiological.”
