Life update: Middling

I had a good cry yesterday.

Do not worry! First, because I’m actually fine. I have a safety net.

(Of course, that wouldn’t matter if I were drowning in a pit of despair or having a psychotic break. But I’m pretty sure I’m doing neither. I think I’m feeling the correct, or close to it, amount of despair relative to the circumstances. Okay, maybe I’m feeling 10-20% more than is appropriate. But I’m not, like, orders of magnitude off.)

The second reason not to worry is that it’s not helpful to me. Or to you.

I have been wondering whether moving to Huntsville was a mistake. But, it was here that I reconnected with Rob. For that alone, it was worth it. I really wanted a life partner, and, in him, I found an incredible one.

Also, I really needed a break. I was doing too much in SF. It wasn’t really sustainable. At a startup, the pressure to work 24/7 is intense. I’m already prone to over-work. Plus, I was doing local political activism, Sex and the State, and OnlyFans. I also had a very active social life.

I needed some rest. I also wanted to spend more time with my family, who I actually like.

When I left San Francisco, my startup job of more than a year let us work from anywhere for the same pay. I didn’t anticipate that they’d lay me off within six months. When I left SF for Huntsville, I told myself I’d just move back if I wanted to. I didn’t predict that the VC money, and thus hiring, would dry up in SF. I didn’t predict I’d gain two cats to have to move. I didn’t consider that I might find a partner who wants to move all our stuff to wherever we go next instead of what I usually do, which is ship five boxes and take two suitcases on the plane by myself.

I didn’t predict we’d re-elect Trump, who would lay off more than half a million federal employees, making getting a job in D.C. and moving back there a real challenge.

I didn’t predict, when I left SF for Huntsville, that I would find it nearly impossible to make more than five friends here, half of which are too workaholic and/or depressed to actually hang out most of the time.

I cannot tell you how much rejection I’ve experienced since I’ve moved back to my hometown.