Welcome to Sex and the State, a newsletter about power. I’m a writer working on decriminalizing and destigmatizing all things sex. I synthesize empirical evidence, stories, and personal experience to interrogate existing power structures to propose new, hopefully better, ways of relating. To support my work, buy a subscription, follow me on OnlyFans, or just share this post!
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Being home has been surprisingly wonderful. After I wrote last time about how I never re-watch anything, I remembered the movies I’ve watched a million times. Super Troopers. Pineapple Express. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Stoner comedies are my comfort food of film.
I think of myself as always being whatever I’m currently being. I like to be alone. I like my space. But being here, sleeping next to my sister, I’m remembering that I also love closeness. I love that my nephew asked me what he should write about for his ACT prep essay. My sister and I have fallen into a rhythm where we each play to our strengths. I turn the dryer on when she loads it and then gets distracted. She cleared off a sink for me to use.
I read this quote in the post that inspired me to start podcasting my posts:
“[T]he ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self. The ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone, and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them, and to have believed in them, and sometimes, just to have accompanied them, for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.”
My sister knows me. She knew me when I was eight years old. She knew me through my divorce, my moves, and my religious and ideological shifts. And she knows me now. She’ll say things about me and I’ll just respond, “I hate that you’re right.”
And we laugh. She makes fun of me for being obvious and oblivious. I make fun of her for being a space cadet.
The state of her house gives me hives. Sharing a bed with anyone is not my favorite. I’m looking forward to moving into my condo. But I’m also enjoying being embedded in her life. And embedding her in mine. I loved having our parents over for dinner. Laughing and ranting about politics like we’ve always done.
I have a good feeling about everything. I’m still nervous. But I’m optimistic. I’m grateful. A lot of people move to SF because they don’t want to or can’t be near their families. I understand that. I think it was really good for me to be away for a long time. But I think it’s really good for me to be back nearby. At least for a while.
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